


The Tears Spill Red {PAUSED AND UNDER RECONSTRUCTION}

by Blue__Dreams



Series: 🕷️Spilling Red🕷️ [1]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Black Widow (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And angst, Angst, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Blood, Brainwashing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Death, Depression, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Im sadistic, Its a rollercoaster, Kid Natasha Romanov, Like, Natasha Romanoff Backstory, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha's past, Not Canon Compliant, Past, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Room (Marvel), Slow Build, Slow Burn, So much angst, Then its fast, Torture, Violence, a rollercoaster of emotions, like what is cannon, not even a little, starts slow, the usual, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-09-26 21:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue__Dreams/pseuds/Blue__Dreams
Summary: “‘тнe Red Room ĸnows wнat ιѕ вest. тhe Red Room тeaches нer everyтнιng ѕнe wιll need тo ĸnow тo properly ѕerve нer coυnтry.’At least, тнat's wнat нer тeachers ѕay.”▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️Natasha Romanoff wasn't always the infamous Black Widow - she wasn't even Natasha Romanoff.She used to be Natalia Romanov, daughter of Anya and Dimitri Romanov, a child thrown into a world of violence and bloodshed at a terribly young age.Not many know her story. She barely does.





	1. The Itsy Bitsy Spider

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic! This time, about our queen, Natasha!! Lots of trigger warnings for this fic: blood, violence, torture, child abuse, panic attacks, depression, ptsd, etc. 
> 
> On that heavy note, enjoy!

_ Fire. _

_ So much fire. _

_ The flames roared as it spread through the halls, eating anything it touched and licking anything close by with its heat. _

_ "Mama!?" A little girl called, her hair the same colour as the hungry fire devouring her home. "Papa?!" _

_ Tears of relief sprang to her eyes when she saw her parents running towards her. _

_ "Natalia, thank goodness!" Her mother grabbed the young child's hand.  _

_ “Mama, what's going on?" She asked, but was ignored.  _

_ "Curse them!" Her father growled, the family running towards the front door. "How did they find us? How did they know she was born?" _

_ "I don't know! But, Dimitri, we have to face them! One of us has to!" Natalia's mother bit her lip, her grip tightening around her daughter's hand. _

_ Dimitri didn't reply as he peeked out the window, and promptly let out a curse that would've made Natalia giggle as her mother scolded her father, but Natalia knew this was no time to laugh. She looked back at the burning beast, her fear growing with it. _

_ "They're out front, too! They blocked both exits!" Dimitri exclaimed. "Anya, you have to get Natalia to the woods! I will distract them!" _

_ "No, Dimitri-" _

_ "Go, just go!!" _

_ Natalia watched her parents as they stared at each other, as if they could read each other's minds. Eventually, Anya turned around and ran towards Natalia's play room, dragging her daughter with her. _

_ "What about Papa?" Natalia asked, but again, she was not answered.  _

_ The pair avoided the fire, and made it safely to the playroom. Anya closed the door behind them, and pushed Natalia to the window.  _

_ The girl stopped, her emerald eyes lighting up when they landed on a pair of pure white ballet shoes. "My shoes!" _

_ "No, Natalia!! We don't have time!" But her mother's protest fell on deaf ears. Natalia grabbed the shoes and held them close to her chest. Her mother sighed, but did not say anything else about the matter. "Come, we must go." _

_ "Why the window?" Natalia asked. "Why not a door? We were just there with Papa." _

_ "Oh, Natalia! I wish I had the time to explain it all." Her mother looked close to tears. "Bad, bad people want you, Natalia. You must hide from them." _

_ "Mama, I don't understand." _

_ "I know, but now is not the time! We must escape and get to safety!" Anya opened the window, harsh, biting winds bringing in snow. Anya climbed through, and then pulled her daughter out.  _

_ “To the forest!" Anya whispered. They ran to the dark trees, looking cold and frightening to young Natalia. _

_ They reached the very edge of it when they heard gunshots. Anya let go of Natalia's hand. _

_ “Dimitri." She murmured. Anya turned to her daughter. "Go. Run and don't look back! I will find you, just go! I need to make sure your father is. . .is alright." _

_ “But-!" _

_ “Go!! Go now!” _

_ Natalia turned and bolted into the beckoning darkness. She never stopped running, not even when she heard her mother scream her father's name. She never stopped running running, not even when she heard a snarling voice greet her mother, calling her "your highness." She never stopped running, not even when she heard more gunshots and the same voice ordering for a girl to be found.  _

_ She only stopped running when she couldn't breathe, her lungs struggling to pull in air, her tiny body shaking so terribly. She only stopped running when the world tilted, turning black. _

_ ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ _

_ Natalia hugged her precious shoes closer, the girl curled up tight, violently shivering in the snow.  _

_ Snowflakes gently made their way down to the ground, landing on Natalia, in her hair and eyes. She didn't care; even if she did, there wasn't much she could do in her freezing state. _

_ She stared at the white, her tears frozen on her cheeks. Natalia barely moved when people holding guns showed up around her. _

_ “Sir, we found her." _

_ Natalia couldn't move to look up at the new person towering above her. She tried to plead for help, but nothing came out of her blue lips. _

_ “Oh dear, little spider." A familiar voice spoke. "What trouble you have gotten yourself into. Don't worry, nayk, we will take good care of you." _

_ A large man bent down, his smile warm, a sharp contrast from the white cold. He picked her up, and noticed her tiny, cold hands clutching the shoes.  _

_ “Oh, do you like ballet, little nayk?" He asked. It took everything in Natalia to nod her head the tiniest bit. "Good, good! You'll enjoy where we are going, then." _

_ Vaguely, Natalia wondered if these were the bad guys Mama warned her about. But the thought melted away like the snowflakes in her eyelashes. _

_ "I have a feeling you will fit right in." _

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

Natalia woke up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding as her lungs screamed for air. Her hands jerked against her cuffs, and she slowly laid back down, breathing heavily. She squeezed her eyes shut as a sharp pain flared in her head. 

Natalia focused on her breathing and tried to remember her dream. It felt like more than a dream, however. It felt like a memory, but she wasn't supposed to have any. She was only supposed to know what the Red Room taught her, and that was all.

Memories are dangerous. Memories are a distraction.

"Nat?" Another girl whispered from the bed next to her. "Are you awake?" 

Natalia lifted her head up as much as she could go look over her arms and at her friend, who was in the bed next to her.

“Yeah.” Natalia answered, her voice shaking. “Why are you?”

“You were being loud. It’s a miracle no one else woke up.”

She didn’t have any answer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Her friend yawned. “Was it a dream?”

Natalia sighed. “Go back to sleep, Petra. It's still dark - we have at least another hour of sleep.”

“Alright.” Petra went silent, and Natalia was sure she was asleep. 

Natalia stared at the grey, peeling ceiling. She should’ve told Petra it was more than a dream. 

Natalia trusted Petra with her life. Yes, it was a dangerous -a very dangerous- gamble, to have such a trusted friend. It was dangerous to even have a friend. But they didn’t care. 

They didn’t even let the Red Room’s competition ruin what they had.

Just as Natalia was fading away, she heard a man screaming. That was perplexing; she didn’t remember seeing any prisoners being taken in (this was a school, the only time prisoners came here was for Interrogation Class, so everyone knew if someone was here).

She tilted her head back to look at her cuffs. With some expert work and a rusting hair clip, she slipped out of them. She used the hair clip to unlock the door, and slipped down the lit hallway.

Natalia followed the screams, avoiding guards and passing several hallways with more rooms with twelve girls in each. Finally, she reached a hall with only one door at the very end. She started walking towards it, hand reaching out to grab the handle.

“Natalia!” 

The poor girl jumped, eyes wide with fear and shock. She relaxed slightly when she saw who it was; Ivan.

“What are you doing?!” He asked, black eyes cold and stern. “You are supposed to be asleep.”

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Natalia stood up straighter, standing in the correct position, hands folded behind her back. “I heard screams, and. . .”

“And got curious?”

Natalia nodded, cheeks burning in shame.

Ivan let out a chuckle. “Oh, How you amuse me, nayk. It is impressive that you were able to get out of your room and get all the way down here without being caught, eh?”

“Th-Thank you, Sir.” 

Ivan grabbed her little hand, and patted her head. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Who’s in there?”

“It’s no matter. He’s our newest project. Soon, he will be our finest soldier, and he will help teach you.” 

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

“Wake up.” With the simple order, all twelve girls were awake, waiting for their cuffs to be unlocked. Natalia watched as Miss Gorky walked down the rows, freeing the girls. “Be ready in five minutes.” 

Miss Gorky looked down at Natalia, a disgusted sneer on her old, wrinkling face. “I hear you took a little walk last night.” 

Her tone was very clipped and short, as if she wanted to yell but had to remain calm. Honestly, Natalia wouldn’t be surprised if that was what was going on.

“I would have you severely punished, but Sir says you are to be left untouched. I can only assume you were properly dealt with.”

Ding ding ding! Natalia was right! Which meant Miss Gorky did find out what happened, things would only be worse for her.

Miss Gorky moved on, and Petra made a face at her back, before turning back and rolled her eyes with Natalia.

“Gosh, her last name fits her well.” Petra grumbled. Gorky typically meant ‘extremely bitter.’ Petra was right; it was perfect for the greying woman.

The group was dressed and ready in five minutes, just as ordered. In two, orderly and straight lines, they marched straight to their first classroom, and began their busy day in learning how to properly kill someone and not get caught. 

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

"So, if we're killing for Russia," Petra whispered to Natalia in their fifteen minute break. "Why do we have to be so secret most think we don't exist? Shouldn't we be heroes?" 

Natalia shrugged. Petra was silent for a few moments, before asking, "Does it ever bother you how much information the Red Room hides from us?"

Nat hesitated; it did bother her, a lot more than she liked to admit. She barely knew her age -ten- and she only knew her first name. And then again, her strange dream. . .

But the Red Room knew what was right. The Red Room knew what was best. The Red Room teaches her everything she would need to know to properly serve her country.

Natalia blinked, and sighed. "Yeah, a little, but I know we just need to have faith in them." 

Petra stared at her, before slowly nodding. "I guess so." She said, a bitter tone lying underneath. 

"It is time to spar." Miss Gorky suddenly said, drawing the girls' attention. "First up is Ally and Katya." 

Natalia watched the fight while her mind floated elsewhere, looking back on dreams and memories, Petra and her country, loyalty and truth. 

Several pairs went up, one girl always winning with the promise of an extra slice of bread at their meal tonight.

Eventually, it was Natalia's turn, and her partner caused her stomach to churn and her heart to freeze.

"Next up is Natalia and Petra."


	2. Chapter Two: I Trust You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, sorry it’s taking so long! This chapter is a little weird and maybe a little boring :/
> 
> Honestly I can’t wait to introduce Bucky, bc ohhh boi :3

The girls circled each other, waiting for the other to strike first. Natalia watched Petra's muscles tensed, and prepared for her strike.

Petra lunged at her, aiming her fist at Natalia's throat. Natalia ducked to the ground, and swiped at her friend's legs, causing Petra to go down. As soon as the brunette hit the ground, she rolled and sprung back up, grinning. 

"Nice move."

Natalia grunted in response, and used her friend’s cluelessness as an opportunity to finish the fight. She managed to pin Petra down, and leaned down and whispered, "I need to talk to you. In private."

Petra slightly nodded as Miss Gorky ended the match. Guilt churned in the girl’s stomach, feeling a little bad that she beat her own friend, but she quickly expelled those thoughts. 

"Get ready for your next lesson. Five minutes."

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

The two girls received their meals (a delicious slice of bread -winners were given two-, an apple, and a cup of what the girls assume to be oatmeal ), and went to an unoccupied part of the room, squishing between a bed and a wall.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Petra asked. 

". . .I think my memories of the Before are coming back." She whispered, hugging her knees. 

Petra's eyes widened. "Like,  _ the _ Before?!  _ Before _ the Red Room?" Natalia nodded, and her friend stood up. "We have to tell someone!"

Fear flashes across Natalia's face and she grabbed Petra's hand. "No! You can't! They might take them away!"

"But Natalia! Memories are dangerous!"

"Earlier you were complaining about how much information the Red Room hides from us!" Natalia argued. "So don't I deserve these memories?"

"That's different!" Petra huffed. "Besides, they'll punish us for not telling them!"

"Please Petra! They're all I have!"

Petra stared down at the red head, before slowly nodding. "Fine."

Natalia gave her a smile. "Thank you."

"Let's just go to bed." 

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

"Natalia. Stay after class." Miss Gorky scowled. The said girl nodded her head, ignoring everyone's stares. She met Petra's eyes, before her friend left her.

Once the students left the room, Miss Gorky slapped Natalia. She let out a cry, stepping back from the sudden hit. 

"Silence! You will take any punishment with absolute silence!" Miss Gorky smacked the little girl again. "You spoiled brat! I heard you escaped from your room last night, and what else did I hear? That instead of being properly punished, you are praised?!" 

Natalia forced herself to stay quiet and remain emotionless as Miss Gorky continued to hit her. The old woman grabbed the girl's chin, long nails digging into her soft skin, causing a bead of blood to bubble up. 

"You will learn to respect the Red Room! I will  _ not _ stand for your childish attitude." Miss Gorky took a deep breath, and straightened up, smoothing out her skirt. "You are dismissed."

Natalia scrambled out of the classroom, catching up with Petra. The brunette's eyes landed on the smeared, ruby liquid on Natalia's chin. 

"Are you alright? What happened?" Petra asked, concerned. 

Natalia rolled her eyes. "She was just mad at me for something I didn't get punished for."

"Really? That's harsh."

"Yeah well. . .maybe Miss Gorky was also punished for something this morning." Natalia suggested as the pair continued to walk. "I would be grumpy, too." 

Petra shrugged. "But why does she get to express her anger? We have to be all emotionless and what not."

Her friend sighed. "I don't know. . .I just don't know."

The two females were silent for a few moments, until Petra asked, "Have any other memories come back?"

Natalia hesitated, before nodding. "Kinda. . .I can see my old bedroom, but it's really blurry, like I don't have all the details. Why?" 

Petra had no answer. 

Natalia would later regret not pushing to know.

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

"Petra? Where are you?" Natalia left the girls' shared room, wandering down the halls. "Petra, we have to be in bed soon."

"Ah, Natalia. Just the little паук I was looking for. Come with me." Ivan, along with four, armed soldiers approached Natalia. Hesitantly, the ten year old followed. 

The group walked towards Ivan's office, the lights overhead flickering. Natalia warily eyed the soldiers, nervous curiosity filling her. Why were they here? Why did they seem more like guards then just soldiers? And who were they guarding? Natalia? Or. . .everything else  _ from _ Natalia?

The young girl shook her thoughts and questions away as they suddenly took a turn, not going to the destination she had believed they were going to. 

Down the dim hallway, Natalia spotted Miss Gorky tugging Petra the opposite direction Natalia was going. 

"Nat, I'm so sorry. I had to tell them, I'm sorry!" Petra cried, only to be silenced by Miss Gorky. 

Natalia was confused and bewildered, and put even more on edge. 

"Don't let her upset you, Natalia." Ivan commented, looking straight ahead. "We're just going to fix some things."

Finally, they arrived at a strange room. There room was divided in half, with a lower section and a higher section.

The higher level was protected with glass, guarding the numerous seats. Ivan went up the stairs, taking a seat in the front row.

The lower level had several unfamiliar computers and boards with several buttons, with wires leading to a peculiar chair. Scientists and doctors in white coats ran around the room, but the girl focused on the chair. Natalia didn't like the look of the straps and wires covering the chair, but what really unsettled her was the dried blood stained on the headrest. 

A guard grabbed Natalia's bony arm, and dragged her to the chair. She was strapped in, and a doctor came forward and drew some of her blood. 

Another looked up at Ivan, visibly anxious. "Sir, we really don't know what this will do to her, we've barely tested mind wiping, we don't know if it can happen more than once-!" He spoke into a small microphone, his hand shaking slightly.

"I realize the risks," Ivan interrupted. "But I do not care for them. If she dies, then she can be replaced. Now hurry up." 

_ 'Who's going to die? Do they mean. . .me?' _ With this conclusion, Natalia began to struggle. "W-wait," she gasped. "What is going on? What, what's happening?!" 

She couldn't move, heavy straps holding down each limb to the chair, straps around her waist and head firmly securing her. Doctors and scientists walked around her, attaching wires and other strange things to her head and body. 

"Starting wipe in three. . .two. . .one. . ."

Natalia screamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. What do you think???

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I don't have a schedule, but I'm thinking I might update biweekly.
> 
> don't be a silent reader! Comments and kudos motivate me ;))
> 
> ~☁⭐☁


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